Couldn't All Be Cowboys aka Me And Cinderella
by wowsugarpuss
Summary: Duncan 'forgets' to say goodbye to Logan. Sorta-sequel to One Headlight and Consider The Sand.


**1.**

Duncan knows that running away to somewhere as cliché as Cuba or Mexico can be classed as ironic the first time, the second time however it's just plain unoriginal. So, he gets out an atlas and looks around for places that might be suitable for his daughter. It's not like he wanted to bring her up in a communist dictatorship anyway. Even if the weather was great.

He takes a deep breath, closes his eyes, and stabs a forefinger down on the map. Looking past his fingernail Duncan sees Luxembourg and promptly decides that the first try was a practice run. After he's run through most of the small European countries Duncan gives in and actually _looks_ for somewhere he might be willing to live. Choice isn't so much an option with the FBI after him, but Duncan thinks that he can come to some kind of compromise that doesn't involve him living in a war zone... or Luxembourg. The Kane household is the biggest war zone he ever wants to find himself in.

Veronica never really went through what he was supposed to do after she got him out of town. At least Duncan doesn't think she did, he can't remember completely what with her soft lips and her blonde hair dazzling him. As far as he's aware she said goodbye and she sent him off with Vinnie. Vinnie doesn't seem to know much at all, but he's charging Duncan three times the amount for gas and Astrid looks anxious to get home in that twitchy embarrassed way where she's obligated to stay. But Duncan doesn't know what to do. Mostly he was sidelined by the fact that Veronica kissed him, really properly kissed him. He wonders if the FBI wouldn't have more luck finding him if they told Logan that. He's pretty sure the other boy would just activate some kind of internal macho homing device so that he could KO Duncan for daring to mack on Veronica. Even if she totally started it.

Vinnie is making grotesque faces at Astrid and Lilly is making strange wailing faces at Duncan and he still doesn't know where to go so he chucks the map to Vinnie and tells him to choose. When they end up in some small desert town, stuck between the dead earth and the ocean off to the side somewhere, Duncan starts to rethink letting Vinnie choose.

There's a cottage, small and whitewashed, and a garden. It seems way too domestic for a fugitive but Duncan's hot and hungry and exhausted and Lilly needs changed so he nods to Vinnie and they pull over. Duncan hands a wad of cash to Vinnie, kisses Astrid on the cheek. Then he grabs his baby in one arm, his bags in the other and watches from the dusty blades of dead grass as they drive away, leaving him and Lilly in the middle of nowhere.

**2.**

Lilly is... different. Duncan doesn't quite believe that she's going to grow into an entirely normal person. Well, _physically_ normal anyway. She has pudgy little fingers and when Duncan sits her on his hip, Lilly's legs splay out at awkward angles. Everything about her is so tiny, except her eyes. They're wide and glassy just like a doll's. Duncan hopes she grows into them; they kind of freak him out.

Astrid and Vinnie bought most of the clothes that Lilly will need to begin with. Disguise or no, Duncan doesn't think that a lone teenage father shopping for baby-grows will ever be inconspicuous. Lilly has a tiny pink argyle hat and mittens. Veronica gave them to Duncan the day he left, right before she kissed him. Duncan doesn't know what he'll call Veronica when he tells Lilly stories of his life. Uncle Logan is fine but Auntie Veronica cuts just a little too close to the bone. Yeah, there's no need to dredge up _those_ memories.

Duncan tries to see Meg in Lilly's giant eyes. He's terrified of the tiny tot, afraid of doing something wrong. He thinks that Meg would do a much better job at this parenthood thing if she was still around. But if she was still around then there wouldn't really be a problem. Duncan could get done for kidnapping and he thinks that's what he should be worried about, but right now all he's just scared that he's holding the tiny thing in his arms the right way. It's absurd, he could go to prison, but Duncan just can't see past the immediate consequences. He gets blind like that sometimes.

Meg would be a lot more practical than him, Duncan's sure of it. He sucks at seeing the side of life he doesn't want to. He's too much like Veronica in that way and maybe that's why he's in this whole mess to begin with. The two of them are a bad influence on each other and Duncan should just have known better than to ask her for help. She gets carried away with things. She thought he killed his sister, that Logan killed his sister, that they raped her. Veronica and rational aren't exactly the best of friends and sure, he thinks, sometimes she gets it right. He did kind of, sort of rape her but not really. But in matters where ex-girlfriends and babies and skipping the country are concerned Duncan should have sought outside advice.

Sucks that he didn't.

**3.**

Duncan has soy sauce in packets, napkins from diners, flashlights, maps, straw hats and fake hair. He has baby-grows and diapers, lots and lots of diapers. He has a tent in the back of his trunk (he didn't quite expect a house to grow out of the dirt for him) and a picture of Veronica in his wallet. It suddenly feels a lot like another road trip he took where Duncan was looking for the runaway rather than becoming them, and he had Logan by his side rather than over the hill somewhere plotting with Veronica. Duncan looks across the room at Lilly and he _knows_ that she hasn't seen the latest HBO re-runs... but he kind of wants to ask anyway, just to make conversation.

It hits him then that he's never going to see cable TV again, unless he somehow gets a subscription under a fake name. Duncan hadn't really factored in the day-to-day of his escape. Once again he thinks that maybe he should have done a stop-look-and-listen on Veronica's plan, even if she was only working to his specified design. He shouldn't really blame her, but it's easier than blaming himself and out in the desert where Lilly can't even recognize faces yet he doesn't think it matters what he says anymore. There's no one around to disagree. It's one of the perks.

He slumps down into the saggy sofa left in the lounge and tries to work out what to do next. He doesn't really know exactly where he is, how he's supposed to get food, where he's going to move on to. He has Vinnie's cell phone number on a scrap of paper in his pocket and Duncan figures he's at the mercy of the PI. He also realizes that's probably not the best place to be, but hell, it's better than prison.

Lilly starts to cry and he jumps awkwardly to her car seat, reluctant to put her in the dusty crib he found beside the bedroom. When he picks her up she starts to shriek louder and he doesn't know what the fuck he's supposed to do to make her quiet. He bobs her, rocks her, swings her, sways her but she still keeps crying.

Before long Duncan's crying too and he still doesn't know how the hell he's going to live this life.

**4.**

Duncan misses people. He never really realized how much people need people, how much he took for granted the bellboys and clerks at the Neptune Grand. How much he took everyone for granted: cleaners, sales people, his peers, his teachers, Veronica, Logan.

Duncan doesn't know if he was right not to tell Logan. Sure, he can cover it up by claiming that Logan's in enough trouble as it is and he doesn't need "accessory to high-profile kidnap" added to the list, but really though, Duncan thinks that maybe he was being a little petty. And maybe, maybe he's going to regret that later when he hasn't seen his "best friend" for ten years, or twenty. Duncan can't really imagine that though, so it's okay.

What's not okay is that although he has the first of 2.4 children, Duncan will never get that white picket fence with Veronica--and he does imagine that. A lot. It doesn't matter how long she's been dating Logan or how long she hasn't been dating him, Duncan stands by the stale fortune cookie he never got the chance to give her. "True Love Stories" never do having endings. The sad thing for him is that, sometimes, they don't have beginnings either. He looks down at Lilly and tries really hard not to care that he's given up his whole life for this little poof of pink. She's so small and she can't talk and she doesn't look anything like Veronica or Logan--not that she should--or even himself or Meg or Lilly. And maybe she's supposed to look like them, a little.

It gets a little easier when she yawns at him, tiny fingers curling around his thumb like he's a lifeline. Duncan doesn't think he's ever been anybody's lifeline before--he kind of likes it. Veronica didn't need him. Logan didn't need him. But Lilly? This Lilly? She needs him, he's her daddy, and he has something that's not Law school to live for. It's a good feeling. It kind of washes away the feeling that he should have told Logan. That he should have sneaked to his best friend's girlfriend instead.

**5.**

When Duncan's phone rings he's sloppy and dehydrated so he doesn't really think before he answers Logan's call. It's just what he does. Logan calls, Duncan answers, and then Duncan usually regrets answering. Today is no different. He wonders how he became such good friends with an inconvenience in the first place, and then he feels bad. Duncan thinks that his relationship with Logan is this repeating cycle where he's methodically a crappy friend because Logan asks too much. Logan's life is crappy so he needs a better friend, but Duncan doesn't think he has it in him to be more than required.

"Dude, you _suck_ at being a fugitive."

"Logan?" Duncan starts fully awake, suddenly aware of his mistake. It seems a bit basic for the FBI to just _call_ and find out where he is, but apparently it just worked.

"Why the hell did you answer your phone? I could have been the FBI."

Now he's getting angry. "Why the hell did you call me?!"

"Has Veronica taught you _nothing_," Logan continues, ranting on. His tone tells Duncan that he wants to be amused, light-hearted. But Logan's failing miserably and Duncan misses his stupid best friend and all the shit he pulls and the way he can't help but rub it in that he got Veronica. Duncan misses it and he shouldn't because he has Lilly now. He's been looking for a Lilly for nearly two years and now he has the chance to love her better. To re-do it all. It's kind of a sick burden to put on a baby--his baby--but Duncan doesn't think he could really see it any other way if he tried. The rest of his family are fucked up anyhow, why not stay the family tradition?

He tries to pull an excuse out of his ass. "Your name came up on my phone."

"So," Logan doesn't sound impressed and Duncan would like to see _him_ handle it any better, "they could have made me hand it over."

"Did they?" His tone is short and irritated; this isn't how Duncan envisioned talking to Logan would be like for the first time after he ran away. Of course Duncan hadn't really been planning to see Logan for a few decades the first time they spoke next, so he hasn't really had time to adequately prepare. Logan's always catching him off guard.

"No." Logan pauses. "But only because Veronica set me up with a fake to give the feds." And there it is. Veronica's always in the mix somewhere.

**6.**

Logan has a tiny pink rattle in his hand when Duncan first spies him and he tells Duncan that someone has to piss him off if Logan can't be around to do it. He hands the bunny-shaped toy to Lilly who promptly begins to drool on its ear. Then the shaking starts and Duncan has a feeling that he's really going to hate this bunny. Logan just smirks.

She can't hold her own head up but his daughter is already in cahoots with Logan. Great. Lucky she won't actually get to see him growing up. God knows what kind of kid Duncan would end up with if Logan and Veronica were allowed to play at God parents. He laughs a little at that: Logan and Veronica and their inability with children. The real mercy he supposes (for the world in general since it's not exactly cake for him) is that it was Duncan himself and Meg who got knocked up. A Mars-Echolls baby might actually be the most fucked up creation in existence. Nobody deserves to see that.

**7.**

"How?" Duncan already knows how, the answer to pretty much every "how" in his life could be boiled down to one Veronica Mars, but it feels like the right thing to ask. Logan looks like he wants to explain. As if he needs to prove how much effort he's putting in--everything that he's putting on the line--to come and see Duncan like this. It bugs Duncan a little: that Logan gets to be the hero and he's just the coward running from his life. Again. Duncan doesn't like being the coward, he just can't see any other way. They're all too hard and too long and he would rather not face the suits and sunglasses of Logan's summer in court just so that he can maybe see his baby again.

"Veronica's concocting some elaborate diversion as we speak. I have to be back before they figure out."

"What about the ankle monitor, how'd you even get out of the country?"

"Ah, yes. Veronica's wearing it round the hotel. Hopefully I'll get back before anyone notices it's attached to a significantly shorter blond."

"This is crazy," Duncan exclaims, "you're going to get us all caught!" Because somewhere along the line it had gotten much easier just to blame Logan for everything. Duncan did it. Veronica did it. Hell, even Logan was pretty much accepting of the SCAPEGOAT tattoo needled into his forehead. Apparently not this time though.

Logan just stares at him for a moment, his eyes hard. "Yeah. Well you didn't fucking say goodbye, so it's your fault."

And Duncan thinks it actually might be.

**8.**

"Come on, man. Why're you here?" Duncan demands quietly, while Logan looks at everything around him. If this dirt-hole in the desert is exciting then Logan seriously needs to get out more. Who'd have thought that life with Veronica Mars as your girlfriend would be quite so boring? Or maybe Logan is just investigating the territory, planning for his own escape from the law if things don't work out. Hell, he could look up Duncan and take off into the sunset, and then this whole "goodbye" thing wouldn't be such a problem. Hightailing it out of Neptune wouldn't be so scary with someone else beside him, even reckless, immature, self-destructing Logan.

"I don't know," Logan admits. "No regrets and all that jazz, I guess. Veronica got to say goodbye, why shouldn't I? I thought you were my best friend, man."

"You are."

"No--" Logan cuts him off. "Don't say that like you weren't just about to fucking _disappear_ without telling me. What? Did you expect me to just wake up one day and be all: 'oh, D's gone. Go figure!'?"

"I..." Duncan's flustered by how much Logan cares. His face is red and his eyes are dark, it's... touching, in a weird way. Logan's anger is better than Veronica's acceptance. It means more. At least Logan gives a damn if Duncan disappears off the face of the earth. "It seemed better not to get you involved. You're in enough trouble..."

"So fucking what?" Logan shouts. "Like they could really pin anything on me for saying goodbye? Come on, man, do you not even care?"

Duncan feels lost, a little hopeless. Logan is this complicated minefield that Duncan's never had much luck navigating; he's always setting off shells. And usually that's fine, but right now he doesn't have the time for damage control and he doesn't have the time to leave Logan to cool off until the smoke's gone. He needs to fix this mess now, or not fix it at all. Before Logan can continue he arches one eyebrow and asks, "Are you done?"

Logan stops in his tracks. He looks pissed and Duncan wonders what the hell he'd do about a broken nose. It's not like the A&E would be an option, even if he wasn't on the run then by the time he got there from this dump his nose would be fused into some fugly position. Logan pulls in a long breath until he looks like his lungs might explode through his chest.

"I just came to say goodbye," he admits quietly.

Duncan nods, sympathetically. "Okay."

**9.**

Logan rolls out on his back in the long, dry grass and Duncan hesitates for a moment before he sets the baby carrier down next to Logan's knee and let's himself fall down into the dirt next to them. The garden is small but all around them is empty land fading down to some cliffs so he doesn't feel boxed in by the surroundings as much as he does by Logan's presence. He was supposed to leave Neptune behind.

Logan seems to have charmed this Lilly too. Although Duncan's not really sure how since all the books he read told him that Lilly doesn't even know how to smile properly yet, that it's just chance when she does. Chance or no she seems determined to hold onto Logan's pinkie for as long as possible and he looks... scared, staring down at her tiny, toothless gums shining up at him. Duncan thinks Veronica might be in for a dry spell when Logan gets home, and he can't help but enjoy a small, malicious thrill of joy at that thought.

Duncan pushes away the thought. He shouldn't be reveling in the pain of others, it's _wrong_. No matter how much fun it might be. Trying to revert back to gracious host (even if Logan totally arrived uninvited) Duncan nods back to the small cottage. "You want a beer?"

Logan quickly shakes his head. "Nah. I've got to drive back."

Duncan scoffs, "Since when has that stopped you?" In all the time he'd known Logan the boy had been a great believer that you could still drink after six beers, or six tequila shots, or a bottle of one-hundred proof gin. It wasn't like Duncan had ever been happy about letting Logan drive in that condition, but nobody was going to be uncool enough to stop him. They just made sure they weren't in the car with him. Duncan was suddenly deeply glad that he was soon to be severed from the 09ers for the rest of eternity.

"Duncan Kane," Logan's brow rises incredulously, "is that you I hear condoning drink-driving?"

Duncan just shrugs. That's the nice thing about being a runaway; you don't really owe anyone anything. Or at least you can tell yourself that and feel better when they leave. It will be every man for himself and each man a mystery. Duncan thinks that he'll become one of those guys that people whisper about, nobody quite sure of his back story and each one a little too embarrassed or scared to ask him. They'll wonder if Lilly's his daughter or his sister or maybe some trophy-girlfriend that he's acquired. It's creepy but Duncan would rather people were making ridiculous potshots about that than actually getting some detail of his life right.

Logan shrugs back, trying to inject nonchalance into his tone. Duncan doesn't really think that Logan's ever been nonchalant in his life. He knows way too much about consequences to be blasé. "Veronica's putting her ass on the line so I'm under strict instructions not to fuck this up."

Duncan can't help trying to rile Logan. "You're whipped, man." He says it loftily, lazily, as if he doesn't wish he was.

Logan doesn't even bother to repeat his shrug. That pisses off Duncan a little. So, man? At least I'm not on the run from the law."

Duncan's gaze flickers from Logan's ankle back up to his face. "Technically you are right now."

"Only cause of you."

Duncan wishes Logan would stop emotionally sidelining him. All these left hooks are taking a toll on his heart.

**10.**

Logan stretches languidly, his limbs all easy and secure. Duncan wishes he could feel like that. He's not sure if he would feel better if Veronica was with him. It doesn't matter; he knows it would never play out that way. Sure, he's selfish enough to ask her to come with him, but she's not stupid enough (he doesn't think anyway) to ever say yes, even if they had been dating. Even if she still loved him the way he thinks he might still love her.

Logan interrupts his train of thought. "You're gonna come back at some point, right?"

"Right." Duncan nods, not seeing any point in further upsetting Logan. The boy can be an ass, but Duncan loves him. It's a completely platonic best friends forever videogame playing boy love but it's still love. Duncan thinks maybe he loves Logan more than he loves Veronica and that's why his eyes kind of sting right now. Maybe his throat is a little tight, but it's just the water down here.

"Dude, you've got to come back, okay?" Logan hesitates. Finally he clears his throat, adding, "I need to see how this little heartbreaker turns out."

Duncan doesn't want to lie to Logan. He doesn't want to make plans for tea in fifteen years. He's wearing a band aid and Logan is peeling it off slowly. Duncan thinks he prefers the quick burn that Veronica favors of just ripping the damn thing off.

"Can't miss the Neptune High reunion," he offers. He can feel that thick, sick, creeping feeling in his stomach as Logan bites the inside of his own cheek. Duncan thinks he knows. Knows that this is (hopefully, because otherwise it's going to be through prison glass) the last time they'll meet.

Logan turns to open the driver's side door of the car he's "borrowed" but before he gets a hand on the handle he's turning back and grabbing Duncan's shoulder, pulling the other boy into a hug. "Man, look after yourself." Logan's voice is thick and he's crying but Duncan tries to ignore it because Logan is and because they've never been that kind of friends. The thing is he's crying a little too and there's no one around for hundreds of miles to defuse the situation.

"Look after Veronica," he tells Logan. She's that missing link between them now, and Duncan knows that if he does ever see his best friend again it'll all be down to her. It's funny to think of her as the thing bringing them back together, but she keeps doing that in the most unusual ways.

Logan's palm slides of his shoulder awkwardly and he bats the back of one hand swiftly across his eyes. Duncan does the same and neither of them looks at the other properly. Duncan suddenly doesn't want Logan to go and that's stupid because he's the one that left.

"Give your dad a hard time for me," Logan tells Lilly. He straightens up and Duncan takes a step back to let him open the car door, to escape.

"It'll be okay," Duncan tells Logan. The other boy gets in his car, watching Duncan through the rearview mirror until a corner takes him out of sight.

And Duncan really hopes he's right. He hopes they'll all be okay.


End file.
